Sunday, July 12, 2009


lately I've been feeling really empty, and really, really lonely. I know it sounds cheesy to say it, but its true. I think its the fact that I haven't been with a decent guy since, I can't even remember, sure, I've been with plenty of guys recently, just none of them were decent, 2 out of 3 asked for nude pics before we even went on a date, and the other one, my ex-boyfriend, got what he wanted, didn't quite give me what I wanted, and then asked out his other ex. whatever.

I haven't totally lost hope yet though, I've been seeing some really cute guys around, I mean REALLY extraordinarily adorable. like just the other day, me and emsie were at borders, looking for cd's, and we see this adorable guy wearing a graphic tee under a button down shirt, black hair, blue green eyes (beautiful, blue green eyes) and he's super tan. he's one of those lanky kids, the ones that look really good in guys clothing because they have a somewhat womanly figure. you know exactly what I'm talking about. don't even try to disguise it. there was another guy in urban (of course, there always is) and he was even cutier than the cd collection kid. he had a button down too, corduroys, and 3D glasses. yeah, need I say more?

places to find guys:

1. bookstores, if the bookstore has a CD section, go there first, if not, hit up the cafe, theres almost always some adorably shy sensitive guy sipping away at his chai gobi blossom tea, uploading some handmade prints on etsy. even the guy who works at the cafe! trust me, I know from experience, those cafe boys can be extremely witty and friendly. just don't hit up the cafe part if it happens to be a starbucks. starbucks is for assholes. and I don't think you want to be dating another asshole, do you?

2. music store! if theres an indie section, RUN to it! thats where the cute guys are! and I know that everyone thinks that indie guys are stuck up and think they're just the bees-knees, well 1) THEY ARE. DUH. and 2) you can pretty much tell right off the bat if they're assholes, especially in a music store, heres how to check, if he starts blabbing about how he only listin to indie music because its the only kind of music thats worth listening to besides his, LEAVE. because first of all, indie really isn't even a genre, I mean, you could have a classical orchastra be an indie group, and then you could have an indie hip hop group. indie stands for independent, not "slow bass with quick thumpy electric guitar mixed in with some synth and squeaky shitty-on-purpose vocals" OKAY!??

3.the pool. if I have to explain this to you, your seriously fucked up in the membrane, okay? lifegaurd + creepy boys harrasing you + lifegaurd kicks harrasing boys out = he's so in there, and by "there" I mean, YOU.

love you.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

remember apple boy? jason/jeared whatever the fuck his name was? yeah. well guess what... he wanted nude pics.
agh! why does every adorably gorgeous guy I meet want pictures? is that like "in" now?
because if it is, I think I'll just be a nerd.

list of things I would never do for a guy:
1. send nude pics, he wants to see me naked? fine, lets date for a couple of months and have sex, then you can see me naked. or get me drunk, but good luck with that, because I don't drink (don't wanna end up like my daddy)

2. take it up the butt. nasty. and OUCH. like. OWWW. that would freaking hurt! girls have seperate holes for seperate things. okay? yeah. okay.

3. blow job... I don't really wanna stick a dudes penis in my mouth. that DOES NOT sound like fun for me. you know what? I'm a lady, I don't need to be gettin' on mah knees and doing that for you. you should be doing that for ME. because I'm a motherfucking lady! thats right! its my needs before yours! so shut the hell up and get down there! lol. sorry.

4. phone sex? yeah, what the hell? thats just weird. or when u text them dirty stuff like "I'm sitting in my room naked, thinking about you" I'm SERIOUS. my gay friend, Austin, got a text like that and he was like "what the hell?" like if you wanna look creepy or funny, sure, leave a text like that, but don't expect the same thing from me. I'M A LADY. bitch.

5. pee? thats the grossiest, nastiest, most disgusting thing I've ever heard of. WHO THE HELL?I think if a guy wanted to do that, I would never talk to him again. thats nasty. only whores do that shit. ew.

sorry for all the cussing. :)

so anyways, on the 4th, I went to a blues traveler concert, they had like 3 opening acts and all of them fucking rocked, 2 comedians, the first one was okay, but guess who the second comedian was? LEWIS MOTHER FUCKING BLACK!!!! he was funny as hell! I love him. great times, and the opening band was black joe lewis and the honey bears, and let me tell you, those guys are fucking HOT. they're music is great to dance to! and the drummer and guitarist are fucking insanely sexy! agh! I just about died. and my mom met the guitarist's mom in the bathroom! yeah. look 'em up. because they kicked ass. and as for blues traveler? they were aight, just not my type. well.. I dunno. they get boring after a while. but it was fun!

and tonight I'm going back to red rocks to see Jaws, yes, thats right, I'm gonna see that scary freaking shark movie at red rocks. and hopefully emily will turn on her fucking phone and text me back and say that she can fucking go!!!!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

let's MAC-out

ooh lala! se magnifique!
today was the paris street market at aspen grove, where they sell adorable vintage furniture and clothing and things. I quickly browsed the market, but didn't find anything I needed, so I walked into the apple store to browse around, as soon as I walk in, I catch the eye of this totally gorg guy who looks about 17. he smiles to me and says "hey there! anything I can help you with?" I smile back, forgetting I still have fucking braces, and say "oh, nah, I'm just browsing, well actually, I was looking for maybe a cover for my ipod? where would that be?" and HE just being SO adorable and SO GORGEOUS smiles AGAIN and leads me to this enormous wall of stuff for your ipod. I pretend to look for something and occasionally look back to see where he is. he's helping some old lady. damn. I wait a bit and decide theres no way I'll talk to him again. I start to walk out and BAM. he's there. he smiles (yet again...) and is like "oh! hey, are you leaving?" I'm like, "yeah, didn't find the color I was looking for, thanks for helping though) and hes all "oh, well I was kinda wondering if I could possibly get your number?" and inside I did a dance. I said "sure" and wrote my cell number on an apple card and gave it to him. he says thanks and I leave.

I stopped in gap (don't laugh) because I needed.... I don't even really know. but I went in there and found myself in the underwear section and suddenly realized oh shit, I don't own a thong! its true. I myself could not believe it. I grabbed some ordinary beige and white and blue ones. size medium, AND small, if you must know. and tried them on. and you probably already know this but, bringing five pairs of JUST underwear into the changing room is pretty fucking emmbarrasing. like "oh hello, I have just five items OF THONGS" yeah. exactly. whatever, I try them on, thinking they'ed prolly fit like a charm and I'd look super sexy in them. and WHATTHEFUCK. they look huge. and they crawl up your back. like I think if i stretched the 'leg holes' (i have no idea what to call those) and stuck my arms through them. they'd fit normally. like REALLY. so I went back and looked for a smaller size. I found one x-small thong (light blue and white strips. if you must know) and a couple of really soft boyshorts, and decided to check out. but ONCE AGAIN, buying JUST underwear is really embarrasing, so I found a six dollar tank and paid for my shit and headed toward the car. WHEN I remembered I forgot my jacket in the apple store. great.
I walk into the apple store, see the guy that wanted my number, and make my way to my jacket. he comes up to me and is like "ha, you just can't resist me, can you?" I say (being all witty and charming) "don't flatter yourself, I only came back for my jacket" he laughes and points at my gap bag "whatcha buy?" and before I can answer, he opens the fucking gap bag and takes a good look at mah thongs. awesome. he cracks up and says "oh! ahaha, sorry. I didn't know-" I'm like "AHAHAA, ITS FINE...." and wave goodbye and go home.......

and thats my day so far.


Today we celebrate Will Smith and his daring rescue of earth. Thank you Mr. Smith for being the man and owning those aliens.

I stole that last bit from my friend, Joe.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

first off. today alone was enough crazy-ness to last me a whole year.

so earlier this week I had a complete melt down about where I am in my life and how deep in this hole I am and if I can ever get out. so of course, naturally, I sobbed, screamed into my pillow, freaked out, had a panic attack, rushed into the bathroom, grabbed a toothbrush, shoved it down my throat, didn't throw up, went back to my room, cried, told emily what was going on, had suicidal thoughts, threw up, went on the computer, took about twenty useless quizzes, got off, cried, thought about killing myself, decided not to, and went to sleep.

the next morning I felt a million times better and went to work. borring borring borring (fast forward to today) today at the office there was a super hot guy there and lisa was like "do you need to make another appointment?" he says "nah, I'm, good" and he starts to leave. Lisa looks at me and says "ohmygod, he is soooooo hot!" he turns around and winks at her. Lisa pulls up his file and whatsthis!? he has TWO STD'S!? yep. turns out he does. after lunch the phones ring like crazy. I mean CRAZY. every line is on hold and its madness. I was supposed to clock out that 2:30pm, but they were so busy I had to keep working till 3pm. I come home, check my e-mail, because when I went camping this boat full of drunk 20 year old guys asked us to take some pictures of them and send it to them. so I did. and I was sort of expecting a reply. what do I get?
this e-mail:
YARRRRGH back. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THOSE! we all got a laugh out of them & they came out great, good memory with my e-mail also. We will be there all day on the 4th of July if you want a free lunch on us. thanks again lol - Trevor

he fucking asked out me and emily on a fucking date. EW. WEIRD. how old does he think we are!? what the hell!? lol. crazyness. and tonight I'm most likely gonna sleep over at emily's place and have a lot of fucking fun.

sorry. that was a lame ass post...

Tuesday, June 30, 2009


you have no idea how long it took me to think of a clever title for this post. as you can see, I gave up. I went camping with emily, and my sister and her friend, Shayna (who I adore, by the way) at first i thought it was going to completely suck. bad. we get to soda pop coca cola spring lake or-whatever-its-called and its compoletely crwded with fat hicks, and skanky mexican people. not my cup of tea. NOT THAT I HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST MEXICAN PEOPLE. just not my thing. and the area we're allowed to swim in is about the size of a small swimming pool. also not what I was expecting. Emily and I found out that you could rent paddle boats and kayaks and canoes right next to this pond that we were at. so we walked for a lil bit and BAM. BAM BAM BAM. yes. its was, in fact. A LAKE. and a pretty lake. with pretty people. and a boat rental. Emily and I bought out 1 hr. Kayak ride and started our adventure. at first, it was just nice, I got some okay pictures and the water was nice and we flirted with this one loser who was fishing and kept cathing crabs or lobsters or something, and then emily got the idea to get out of the kayak and swim around. SHE IS FUCKING BRILLIANT. we got out and got some oh so awesome pics. like for realz. I was freaking ut the entire time about my $500 + camera being less than a centimeter away from the water, but it all worked out. :D we did this for eight hours straight (taking water pictures) and then decided it was time for dinner back at the camp site. everyone else had beans and hot dogs (ew?) and I just had veggies and fruit and beans. because remember? vegetarian. marshmallow roasting was fun too. oh, this group of trashed 20 yr old guys asked us to take a couple of obscene pictures of them. then gave us thier e-mail so we could send the pics to them. thier e-mail was go spam them.

and by the by. yes. that is a picture of me from the camping trip

Friday, June 19, 2009

better and believer.

soon I'll be finished completely with summer school, next week is our last (thank jesus) and I'll never have to see that skanky clothes and makeup, bitchy, unfair, slow, western, republican ms. Johnson ever again. praise the lord! by the way, I don't believe in god or jesus or whatever. I don't really believe in anything. which is sad, because everyone needs to believe in SOMETHING. or they don't have a lot to hold on to when times get tough. this isn't what I was planning on posting, but I think I'll do it any ways. things you should believe in:

1. vegetarians. they are real. and most of them DO believe that what they are doing is right. and making fun of them and/or taunting them with steak is just mean. my dad does it all the time to me, and my sister. its hard. and no, we don't think wer're better than you just because we don't eat meat. that's just really uncultured and ignorant of you to think that. however, there are some people who don't eat meat beacuse they want to be heathier, I'm for that as well, the first time I went veg, it was because I was uncomfortable in my own skin and I had heard somewhere that being a vegetarian was great for your skin, (which it totally was) . but just make sure your still eating SOMETHING. eggs, tofu (mm-mmm), sushi. something. otherwise you'll totally die from lack of protien or something. or maybe you'll just snap and go ape-shit and become a hunter and go and dress up in camo (don't ever dress up in camo, thats a sure-fire red-neck alerter. even if your trying to dress all bronx and ghetto and shit. its ugly and acting ghetto is overrated) just be nice to vegetarians. kay?

2. believe in good-natured boys. they try so hard. you know they do. and hopeless romantics. they're trying. they just need a little time.

3. monsters. they do exsist. and I'll tell you where they roam, just so your informed. they ARE in fact, in your closet, your bathtub (but only if you leave the bathwater in there, so always unplug the drain, but plug it up afterwards, because there's still a chance they could try to crawl through.) and they sometimes are in empty hallways, they hide behind curtains and framed pictures and shadows. beware.

4. yourself! you have no idea how important it is to believe in yourself. its very important. its like all that shit they tell you in k-12! its true! hard work DOES pay off!

5. ice cream. the power of ice cream is incredible. everyones number one comfort food, try it! all the newly single girls who justgotoutofarelationshipandarelookingforaonenightstand are doin it! and you should too! just make sure you work out afterwards, fatties.

oh my god. I just had a great realization. I think maybe one of the biggest reasons why we have so many fat girls in america is because they were once skinny (no shit....) and they had boyfriends who were assholes and broke up with these pretty skinny girls, unaware of what they may have just created. and then the skinny girls eat so much comfort food they get fat! ohmygod we can totally blame all of our problems on boys! how great is that!?

sorry. I need to shutup. bye. love you
im so going to the gym after this. and WALKING there. thankyouverymuch.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

quadratic polynomial equation? whatthehell?

test on quadratics.
fuck my educational career/life

hopefully, I will never have to know how to do this shit ever again.
its hard and lame and stupid. (kind of like boys)
allow me to correct myself, SOME boys.

well Emily is in San Diego, probably having the best time of her life on the beach, boogie boarding and flirting and whatnot.
which reminds me of the bet we made with eachother,
well its not really a bet.
its more of an agreement.
well while shes in cali, she has to meet a reasonably cute guy and hit on him, and same for me in Traverse, rules are:
-you aren't allowed to have previously known him
-you HAVE to get a picture with him, preferrably both on your cell and your camera
-don't get rejected (hopefully)
-you have to use a pick-up line, it doesn't have to be cheesy though, a simple "so, are you single?" will suffice.
-(this is sort of a given) you have to spend a certain amount of time completely alone with him. whether its a quiet walk down the beach, or lunch in a quaint little cafe. you gotta do it.

so it should be fun, after we both get back from our trip, we'll hang out at either tattered cover bookstore or tres jolie (tea cafe/shop) and exchange stories. because you know whatever happens will be fucking hilarious, especially if we get rejected every time (which of course, we won't because we're fucking gorgeous... when we try, well actually, she doesn't even have to try, she's always pretty no matter what. but I have to try, if you've ever seen me at 2-10 in the morning, you'll know)