heartbreaker

lately I've been feeling really empty, and really, really lonely. I know it sounds cheesy to say it, but its true. I think its the fact that I haven't been with a decent guy since, I can't even remember, sure, I've been with plenty of guys recently, just none of them were decent, 2 out of 3 asked for nude pics before we even went on a date, and the other one, my ex-boyfriend, got what he wanted, didn't quite give me what I wanted, and then asked out his other ex. whatever.

I haven't totally lost hope yet though, I've been seeing some really cute guys around, I mean REALLY extraordinarily adorable. like just the other day, me and emsie were at borders, looking for cd's, and we see this adorable guy wearing a graphic tee under a button down shirt, black hair, blue green eyes (beautiful, blue green eyes) and he's super tan. he's one of those lanky kids, the ones that look really good in guys clothing because they have a somewhat womanly figure. you know exactly what I'm talking about. don't even try to disguise it. there was another guy in urban (of course, there always is) and he was even cutier than the cd collection kid. he had a button down too, corduroys, and 3D glasses. yeah, need I say more?

places to find guys:

1. bookstores, if the bookstore has a CD section, go there first, if not, hit up the cafe, theres almost always some adorably shy sensitive guy sipping away at his chai gobi blossom tea, uploading some handmade prints on etsy. even the guy who works at the cafe! trust me, I know from experience, those cafe boys can be extremely witty and friendly. just don't hit up the cafe part if it happens to be a starbucks. starbucks is for assholes. and I don't think you want to be dating another asshole, do you?

2. music store! if theres an indie section, RUN to it! thats where the cute guys are! and I know that everyone thinks that indie guys are stuck up and think they're just the bees-knees, well 1) THEY ARE. DUH. and 2) you can pretty much tell right off the bat if they're assholes, especially in a music store, heres how to check, if he starts blabbing about how he only listin to indie music because its the only kind of music thats worth listening to besides his, LEAVE. because first of all, indie really isn't even a genre, I mean, you could have a classical orchastra be an indie group, and then you could have an indie hip hop group. indie stands for independent, not "slow bass with quick thumpy electric guitar mixed in with some synth and squeaky shitty-on-purpose vocals" OKAY!??

3.the pool. if I have to explain this to you, your seriously fucked up in the membrane, okay? lifegaurd + creepy boys harrasing you + lifegaurd kicks harrasing boys out = he's so in there, and by "there" I mean, YOU.

love you.

remember apple boy? jason/jeared whatever the fuck his name was? yeah. well guess what... he wanted nude pics.

yeah

agh! why does every adorably gorgeous guy I meet want pictures? is that like "in" now?

because if it is, I think I'll just be a nerd.

list of things I would never do for a guy:

1. send nude pics, he wants to see me naked? fine, lets date for a couple of months and have sex, then you can see me naked. or get me drunk, but good luck with that, because I don't drink (don't wanna end up like my daddy)

2. take it up the butt. nasty. and OUCH. like. OWWW. that would freaking hurt! girls have seperate holes for seperate things. okay? yeah. okay.

3. blow job... I don't really wanna stick a dudes penis in my mouth. that DOES NOT sound like fun for me. you know what? I'm a lady, I don't need to be gettin' on mah knees and doing that for you. you should be doing that for ME. because I'm a motherfucking lady! thats right! its my needs before yours! so shut the hell up and get down there! lol. sorry.

4. phone sex? yeah, what the hell? thats just weird. or when u text them dirty stuff like "I'm sitting in my room naked, thinking about you" I'm SERIOUS. my gay friend, Austin, got a text like that and he was like "what the hell?" like if you wanna look creepy or funny, sure, leave a text like that, but don't expect the same thing from me. I'M A LADY. bitch.

5. pee? thats the grossiest, nastiest, most disgusting thing I've ever heard of. WHO THE HELL?I think if a guy wanted to do that, I would never talk to him again. thats nasty. only whores do that shit. ew.

sorry for all the cussing. :)

so anyways, on the 4th, I went to a blues traveler concert, they had like 3 opening acts and all of them fucking rocked, 2 comedians, the first one was okay, but guess who the second comedian was? LEWIS MOTHER FUCKING BLACK!!!! he was funny as hell! I love him. great times, and the opening band was black joe lewis and the honey bears, and let me tell you, those guys are fucking HOT. they're music is great to dance to! and the drummer and guitarist are fucking insanely sexy! agh! I just about died. and my mom met the guitarist's mom in the bathroom! yeah. look 'em up. because they kicked ass. and as for blues traveler? they were aight, just not my type. well.. I dunno. they get boring after a while. but it was fun!

and tonight I'm going back to red rocks to see Jaws, yes, thats right, I'm gonna see that scary freaking shark movie at red rocks. and hopefully emily will turn on her fucking phone and text me back and say that she can fucking go!!!!

let's MAC-out

ooh lala! se magnifique!

today was the paris street market at aspen grove, where they sell adorable vintage furniture and clothing and things. I quickly browsed the market, but didn't find anything I needed, so I walked into the apple store to browse around, as soon as I walk in, I catch the eye of this totally gorg guy who looks about 17. he smiles to me and says "hey there! anything I can help you with?" I smile back, forgetting I still have fucking braces, and say "oh, nah, I'm just browsing, well actually, I was looking for maybe a cover for my ipod? where would that be?" and HE just being SO adorable and SO GORGEOUS smiles AGAIN and leads me to this enormous wall of stuff for your ipod. I pretend to look for something and occasionally look back to see where he is. he's helping some old lady. damn. I wait a bit and decide theres no way I'll talk to him again. I start to walk out and BAM. he's there. he smiles (yet again...) and is like "oh! hey, are you leaving?" I'm like, "yeah, didn't find the color I was looking for, thanks for helping though) and hes all "oh, well I was kinda wondering if I could possibly get your number?" and inside I did a dance. I said "sure" and wrote my cell number on an apple card and gave it to him. he says thanks and I leave.

I stopped in gap (don't laugh) because I needed.... I don't even really know. but I went in there and found myself in the underwear section and suddenly realized oh shit, I don't own a thong! its true. I myself could not believe it. I grabbed some ordinary beige and white and blue ones. size medium, AND small, if you must know. and tried them on. and you probably already know this but, bringing five pairs of JUST underwear into the changing room is pretty fucking emmbarrasing. like "oh hello, I have just five items OF THONGS" yeah. exactly. whatever, I try them on, thinking they'ed prolly fit like a charm and I'd look super sexy in them. and WHATTHEFUCK. they look huge. and they crawl up your back. like I think if i stretched the 'leg holes' (i have no idea what to call those) and stuck my arms through them. they'd fit normally. like REALLY. so I went back and looked for a smaller size. I found one x-small thong (light blue and white strips. if you must know) and a couple of really soft boyshorts, and decided to check out. but ONCE AGAIN, buying JUST underwear is really embarrasing, so I found a six dollar tank and paid for my shit and headed toward the car. WHEN I remembered I forgot my jacket in the apple store. great.

I walk into the apple store, see the guy that wanted my number, and make my way to my jacket. he comes up to me and is like "ha, you just can't resist me, can you?" I say (being all witty and charming) "don't flatter yourself, I only came back for my jacket" he laughes and points at my gap bag "whatcha buy?" and before I can answer, he opens the fucking gap bag and takes a good look at mah thongs. awesome. he cracks up and says "oh! ahaha, sorry. I didn't know-" I'm like "AHAHAA, ITS FINE...." and wave goodbye and go home.......

and thats my day so far.

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!

Today we celebrate Will Smith and his daring rescue of earth. Thank you Mr. Smith for being the man and owning those aliens.

I stole that last bit from my friend, Joe.

first off. today alone was enough crazy-ness to last me a whole year.

so earlier this week I had a complete melt down about where I am in my life and how deep in this hole I am and if I can ever get out. so of course, naturally, I sobbed, screamed into my pillow, freaked out, had a panic attack, rushed into the bathroom, grabbed a toothbrush, shoved it down my throat, didn't throw up, went back to my room, cried, told emily what was going on, had suicidal thoughts, threw up, went on the computer, took about twenty useless quizzes, got off, cried, thought about killing myself, decided not to, and went to sleep.

the next morning I felt a million times better and went to work. borring borring borring (fast forward to today) today at the office there was a super hot guy there and lisa was like "do you need to make another appointment?" he says "nah, I'm, good" and he starts to leave. Lisa looks at me and says "ohmygod, he is soooooo hot!" he turns around and winks at her. Lisa pulls up his file and whatsthis!? he has TWO STD'S!? yep. turns out he does. after lunch the phones ring like crazy. I mean CRAZY. every line is on hold and its madness. I was supposed to clock out that 2:30pm, but they were so busy I had to keep working till 3pm. I come home, check my e-mail, because when I went camping this boat full of drunk 20 year old guys asked us to take some pictures of them and send it to them. so I did. and I was sort of expecting a reply. what do I get?
this e-mail:
YARRRRGH back. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THOSE! we all got a laugh out of them & they came out great, good memory with my e-mail also. We will be there all day on the 4th of July if you want a free lunch on us. thanks again lol - Trevor

he fucking asked out me and emily on a fucking date. EW. WEIRD. how old does he think we are!? what the hell!? lol. crazyness. and tonight I'm most likely gonna sleep over at emily's place and have a lot of fucking fun.

sorry. that was a lame ass post...

camp.

you have no idea how long it took me to think of a clever title for this post. as you can see, I gave up. I went camping with emily, and my sister and her friend, Shayna (who I adore, by the way) at first i thought it was going to completely suck. bad. we get to soda pop coca cola spring lake or-whatever-its-called and its compoletely crwded with fat hicks, and skanky mexican people. not my cup of tea. NOT THAT I HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST MEXICAN PEOPLE. just not my thing. and the area we're allowed to swim in is about the size of a small swimming pool. also not what I was expecting. Emily and I found out that you could rent paddle boats and kayaks and canoes right next to this pond that we were at. so we walked for a lil bit and BAM. BAM BAM BAM. yes. its was, in fact. A LAKE. and a pretty lake. with pretty people. and a boat rental. Emily and I bought out 1 hr. Kayak ride and started our adventure. at first, it was just nice, I got some okay pictures and the water was nice and we flirted with this one loser who was fishing and kept cathing crabs or lobsters or something, and then emily got the idea to get out of the kayak and swim around. SHE IS FUCKING BRILLIANT. we got out and got some oh so awesome pics. like for realz. I was freaking ut the entire time about my $500 + camera being less than a centimeter away from the water, but it all worked out. :D we did this for eight hours straight (taking water pictures) and then decided it was time for dinner back at the camp site. everyone else had beans and hot dogs (ew?) and I just had veggies and fruit and beans. because remember? vegetarian. marshmallow roasting was fun too. oh, this group of trashed 20 yr old guys asked us to take a couple of obscene pictures of them. then gave us thier e-mail so we could send the pics to them. thier e-mail was countchuckle@yahoo.com. go spam them.

and by the by. yes. that is a picture of me from the camping trip

better and believer.

soon I'll be finished completely with summer school, next week is our last (thank jesus) and I'll never have to see that skanky clothes and makeup, bitchy, unfair, slow, western, republican ms. Johnson ever again. praise the lord! by the way, I don't believe in god or jesus or whatever. I don't really believe in anything. which is sad, because everyone needs to believe in SOMETHING. or they don't have a lot to hold on to when times get tough. this isn't what I was planning on posting, but I think I'll do it any ways. things you should believe in:

1. vegetarians. they are real. and most of them DO believe that what they are doing is right. and making fun of them and/or taunting them with steak is just mean. my dad does it all the time to me, and my sister. its hard. and no, we don't think wer're better than you just because we don't eat meat. that's just really uncultured and ignorant of you to think that. however, there are some people who don't eat meat beacuse they want to be heathier, I'm for that as well, the first time I went veg, it was because I was uncomfortable in my own skin and I had heard somewhere that being a vegetarian was great for your skin, (which it totally was) . but just make sure your still eating SOMETHING. eggs, tofu (mm-mmm), sushi. something. otherwise you'll totally die from lack of protien or something. or maybe you'll just snap and go ape-shit and become a hunter and go and dress up in camo (don't ever dress up in camo, thats a sure-fire red-neck alerter. even if your trying to dress all bronx and ghetto and shit. its ugly and acting ghetto is overrated) just be nice to vegetarians. kay?

2. believe in good-natured boys. they try so hard. you know they do. and hopeless romantics. they're trying. they just need a little time.

3. monsters. they do exsist. and I'll tell you where they roam, just so your informed. they ARE in fact, in your closet, your bathtub (but only if you leave the bathwater in there, so always unplug the drain, but plug it up afterwards, because there's still a chance they could try to crawl through.) and they sometimes are in empty hallways, they hide behind curtains and framed pictures and shadows. beware.

4. yourself! you have no idea how important it is to believe in yourself. its very important. its like all that shit they tell you in k-12! its true! hard work DOES pay off!

5. ice cream. the power of ice cream is incredible. everyones number one comfort food, try it! all the newly single girls who justgotoutofarelationshipandarelookingforaonenightstand are doin it! and you should too! just make sure you work out afterwards, fatties.

oh my god. I just had a great realization. I think maybe one of the biggest reasons why we have so many fat girls in america is because they were once skinny (no shit....) and they had boyfriends who were assholes and broke up with these pretty skinny girls, unaware of what they may have just created. and then the skinny girls eat so much comfort food they get fat! ohmygod we can totally blame all of our problems on boys! how great is that!?

sorry. I need to shutup. bye. love you

im so going to the gym after this. and WALKING there. thankyouverymuch.

quadratic polynomial equation? whatthehell?

test on quadratics.

fuck my educational career/life

hopefully, I will never have to know how to do this shit ever again.

its hard and lame and stupid. (kind of like boys)

allow me to correct myself, SOME boys.

well Emily is in San Diego, probably having the best time of her life on the beach, boogie boarding and flirting and whatnot.

which reminds me of the bet we made with eachother,

well its not really a bet.

its more of an agreement.

well while shes in cali, she has to meet a reasonably cute guy and hit on him, and same for me in Traverse, rules are:

-you aren't allowed to have previously known him

-you HAVE to get a picture with him, preferrably both on your cell and your camera

-don't get rejected (hopefully)

-NEEDS TO BE ATTRACTIVE

-you have to use a pick-up line, it doesn't have to be cheesy though, a simple "so, are you single?" will suffice.

-(this is sort of a given) you have to spend a certain amount of time completely alone with him. whether its a quiet walk down the beach, or lunch in a quaint little cafe. you gotta do it.

so it should be fun, after we both get back from our trip, we'll hang out at either tattered cover bookstore or tres jolie (tea cafe/shop) and exchange stories. because you know whatever happens will be fucking hilarious, especially if we get rejected every time (which of course, we won't because we're fucking gorgeous... when we try, well actually, she doesn't even have to try, she's always pretty no matter what. but I have to try, if you've ever seen me at 2-10 in the morning, you'll know)

more music

I need another playlist.

so here:

1. cuddle fuddle- passion pit

this is an extremely sexual song, I mean, seriously "I filled the bucket, I spilled the bucket, out on the floor, a mistake fo sho" its obviously about a guy cummin' too early, and its an amazing song anyways, I love love love it. and I listen to it at least once a day.

2. electric feel- MGMT

okay, the song alone makes you want to party, and then WITH the video? its like to hot to handle. it totally makes me want to have a rave party in the woods with hundreds of sweaty people dancing in one huge mass. seriously and check out the dskotek remix too, its also good for dancing.

3. better things- passion pit

oh my god, the first 25 seconds of this song? pure genious. like I could party to this song ALL NIGHT LONG. its totally disco meets techno meets hip hop meets indie meets filthy dirty gorgeous! I love it. look n' listen. fabulous. okay.

4. old old fashioned- frightened rabbit

I don't think theres any possible way you could not love this band, I found it for free on a podcast that my friend (guess who) recommended and I totally love it. I jam out to it all the time. enjoy

5.lie in our graves- Dave Matthews

this has always been and always will be one of my favorite songs, it has never failed to bring my spirits up. ever. it has such a powerful message and Dave Matthews is just amazing anyways, i have great great great memories of this song, from riding hundreds of miles with my sister and my aunt to her house in Traverse City, Michigan (which I think I mentioned in a different post) to both of my camp sweet hearts (B-bear, I love you! and Brendan! ) I had mentioned my love for this song to B-bear, a councilor at my summer camp and for the closing camp fire, he played this on the guitar (with his friend on drums) for me. and he looked and smiled at me the entire time. I'll never forget him, and Brendan, we both had enormous crushes on eachother but I was already dating someone (who broke up with me the day after I got back from camp) and I didn't want to cheat on him, even though it would have been the right thing to do. well not really, but I think you know what I mean, and Brendan and I both shared a love for something else, Dave Matthews. and we sang to his songs every single night we snuck out (which was every night) and. I need to end this post

so

there.

love you xoxo

carnivals suck.

I went to the carnival tonight, and it SUCKED. like really sucked, i dunno, the whole atmosphere was just, ugg, smelly ugly filthy scammers. like all of the vendors and ride technician people had no teeth and they were old and had bruises and cuts on their faces, like they brawled every night, and not that thats not bad ass, it is, just not if your a middleaged fat old lady. no offense, but no wonder you have that job, like this one lady who was "manning the fun house" kept yelling at the kids, no lie, and I mean full on yelling, like it was evident she hated her life. helpful hint, when you hate your life and your job and yourself, don't show it, silently change everything you don't like about yourself, (of course be safe about it, don't starve yourself if you think your fat, just go to the goddamn gym and eat healthy) and maybe console in a really close friend wh oyou know would'nt leave you for the world, (cough emily cough) or console in me. just hit me up on my e-mail (alex.linares@live.com) and I'll totally try to help. even though I'm not so good at that. but at least I'll listen. but seriously? don't work at a carnival, it will only ruin your life, no offense to people who are/ aspire to be carnival freaks. I love you.

so emily is going to Las Vegas/San Diego tomorrow, which leaves me all by myself for a week. I'll probably just go to the gym/yoga class every day that I don't work. or ride my bike if its nice out, which lately, it hasn't been.

oh! and I totally went shopping today, I got a dress and two pairs of shorts and an ugly white t-shirt for work. I'm definitely ready for traverse city, Michigan, for those of you who haven't been, go. downtown is amazing and its the best place ever because everyone is happy and theres a beach and a zoo and tons of trees and shopping and REALLY GOOD FOOD. and I think the cherry festival is soon and that is SUPER important to them. its bigger than freaking fourth of july. so check it out.

plus, tons of babes, need I say more? and they're super friendly and helpful too ;) so go. fo sho.

oh shit, I totally forgot I need to buy new underwear, a bathing suit, and make-up (speaking of boys) whatever, thank jesus for target. I'll stop by there on my way to work manana.

also, I need to dye my hair, I have no idea which color, I'll prolly just do the ends though, and I was thinkin' pink or purple. advice? ideas?

whatever, love you.

dj lance, I feel you.

damn, for some reason, I really just want to go clubbing right now. that sounds like SO much fun. I also want to go shopping either tonight or tomorrow. I get a paycheck today so thats GOOD. and right now I'm listening to the dyskotek version of electric feel and its amazing!
here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dy2tiSK1w6M&feature=PlayList&p=C67E588348DA53DF&index=6

it will probably explain why the heck I can't for teh life of me stop shakin' mah booty right now, lol if you guy saw me right now, you would prolly stop talking to me, I'm like bouncing up and down in my seat and my lips are pouted out and my hips are goin crazay, lol. yeah, its official, ima dork.

and now I'm doin something silly with my hands, which is really hard to do since I'm typing this at the same time.

and now my back hurts from dancing.
who wants to go clubbing with me tonight? lol.

and now I'm listening to the reeling by passion pit, and now I want to just walk around downtown with a big boom box blasting this song
here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qVstHPhaJ6M&feature=PlayList&p=C67E588348DA53DF&index=0

the intro is especially awesome.


so anyways, the original reason why I wanted to make a new journal:
I'm a vegetarian, heres why
the other night I had a dream that I shot, killed, and ate a poor baby deer.

I mean, c'mon, you can't tell me that you'd eat a burger after that.

maybe a garden burger though.
and emily:VEGGIE BURGERS ARE GOOD AND I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG
yep.


man. I cannot get enough o' this dancin' music.

aaand its hailing, aaaand now its raining.
whatthehellamigonnadotonight!?

well whatever, thats fine, not really, if anyone wants to hang, text me or comment.

oh! b4 you leave (idk why I just wrote that) check out this video/these videos! they rock fo sho!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOUEjiE6-Hk dear deer by kate micucci
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cegC5vS4DuA worst song medley by garfunkel and oates

poor choices

deerest,

I really hope that someday, I don't fuck up my life as much as I fucked it up now. like, it would be freaking sweet, if I had a good life. I know the future isn't really the best place to place my better days (yes, I did steal that from a Dave Matthews song) but I can't help it, because I just can't have a good day everyday. but I wan't to.

so anyways. it'll get a lot better.

-road trip to traverse city

-camping with emily

-not being home

-not being at summer school (because remember, I fucked my life up?)

-getting my paycheck today

-blowing my pay check on clothing (hopefully this won't happen, and I can buy a slack line...)

I really only wrote this post because emily wrote a post which made me think I needed to write one...

so last night, I hung out with em and she slept over, and I sent a mean text to my sister's boyfriend (who she needs to break up with by the way, because hes a jack.) and it said :

-shutup, youre a d bag

and so she stole my phone and texts my ex-boyfriend, xavier ('member? you member. I snuck out with him a couple of times?) and she says to him

-hey hey we need to sneak out tonight and have some fun ;)

and he texts back and says:

-I thought you would never ask :)

and heres the rest of our convo.

me-uhm that was my sister

xavier-so can you?

me-no. i can't. sorry to disappoint you, pal.

xavier-darn, I'm so bored

me-fuck you

xavier- why did you say that:( meany

me-I AM NOT YOUR BOOTY CALL

xavier-no I can never hang out with anyone I have sat in the house since last frieday I want to get out

me- so get out, its not my fault you sit at home all day

xavier- no everyone I hang out with has summer school so nobody can

me- so? I hang out by myself and I still have fun.

xavier-well sorry for asking to hang

me-xavier, thats bull and you and I know it

xavier- its not! I'm being for real, I wasn't even thinking about doing that other stuff

me- whatever

and then he kept texting me and I just ignored him. am I doing the right thing? wait, what I'm I thinking!? of course I am! I'm a girl and girls are always right! always. like if I told my boyfriend (I don't have a boyfriend, but pretend I do, for the sake of the example I'm trying to give/explain) that he was bad in bed and a lousy boyfriend (and of course I tell him this because theres another, better, cuter, boy that I've been eyeing) he best believe I'm right and we're prolly gonna break up.

oh yeah, I went THERE.

not really, I'm a virgin, did I mention that? you guys probably assumed. well maybe not. I'm not sure. but yeah. my sex life is non-existent (for now) but thats probably a good thing, I don't want to be a sophmore tramp. thats just... hm, thats not bueno.

well hopefully I will go shopping tomorrow. hopefully. because I need shorts and skirts and sandals and fringe. desperately.

hm, I feel like revealing a really secretive special secret right now.

and I will

so boys are amazing right? right. so I have some things to tell you about them.

most boys (stupid boys) think they can get away with anything, like looking down your shirt and not getting caught. and they think they're really amazing at not getting caught. its your responsability to correct them. and maybe you shouldnt be wearing such low cut shirts anyways, you whore, got, go put a turtle neck on, jesus. (I'm one to talk. but I try to make it look not skanky. YOU yeah you. you make it look skanky)

that wasn't really a secret. whatever.

love you.

not-so-infinite playlist

so, I've been getting extremely attached to music lately, so I thought I'd make a playlist of some of my favorite songs, it changes rapidly, so like emily (http://tr33hugger.blogspot.com/) I'll probably also have a mothly list of music to check out. so here it goes:

1.lake michigan-rogue wave

my friend created an entire cirque du soleil act inspired completely from this song, and thats probably enough reason for you to listen to it.

2. the girl-city and colour

This song usually makes me cry, mostly because I wish a guy loved me enough to write an entire song about me, that is just. ahh, its so. god. that's just fucking awesome. kay? and seriously, one of the lines (actually, its repeated a ton of times) is "thats why I wrote this song to sing, my beautiful girl" like, thats just so gorgeous.

3. your english is good-tokyo police club

alright, I am a HUGE tokyo police club fan, but this song has to be my favorite. its like my theme song for summer. and the music video kicks ass too, check it out. in fact, buy every single tokyo police club song there is, because they all rock.

4. fallen snow-au revoir simone

this band is too cute. like way too precious for words. and the video for this has to be one of my fav music videos of all time because it just makes me want to go outside and relax on a raft made of twigs and just float down a river, not caring where it will take me. check them out

5.sleepyhead-passion pit

buy this song, I don't care whether or not you like it. this song ALWAYS makes me dance, if I was asleep and this song played on the radio at five AM, I would so wake up just so I could dance to it. it also has a lot of history in my life (the rescue, hunter, dancing.) fabulous song.

sneak

sneak was a possible answer on my physical science final. all the possible answers were

a) creep c) mudslide

b) sneak d) landslide

I got that answer right.

well, anywayzies, last time I snuck out at night sort of got me into deep shit. well, I mean, I didn;t get caught or anything. I just got in trouble with. myself? if that makes any sense at all.

well what happened was that emily slept over at my house that night and we decided to sneak out with Xaiver (fyi, he's and ex boyfriend who I still had feelings for at the time of this... shinanigan.) so at around midnight we sneak out and head over to the elementary school near my house. and THIS is where the story gets... juicy. for lack of a better description.

the night was young, and so were we. (I'm sorry, there is no way I could've held a straight face while typing that.) we climbed up the monkey bars and I was totally stoked about the fact that I could reach the top of the bars without standing on my tippy-toes. so were on the top of the bars, and I TOTALLY wanna get with Xiaver at this point, and he's just laying there, looking amazing. like, my mind seriously blocked out everything from my senses excpet his body and his, oh god, could it be? cologne. sooo sexy. I tried as hard as I could to get closer and closer to him, but those damn monkey bars were soo effing uncomfortable. finally we got down from the monkey bars and hung out on the swings.(emily: your'e a saint and thank goodness you were there.) I sat on top of xaiver, my legs were wrapped around his waist. (god, I sound like such a skank) and emily has on her own swing. (and emily, believe me babe, I could tell you were lonely, and don't worry, we'll dress ourselves up and go on a man hunt.) we all kid around, talking about "that time of night" when he starts swinging, I swear, I would never gice HIM a lap dance, mostly because the poor boy couldn't handle it, but he started swinging and it totally felt like I WAS giving him one and then (sorry I didn't tell you about this yet emily) BOING. yes. boing. he, indeed, get an erection. and indeed, I did feel it on my thigh, through his boxers, his sweats, my sweats, my skimpy underwear. I felt it. at first I was like "are you kidding me? god! gross! ew!" and then I was sort of flattered. I mean, he couldnt even keep that in his pants if I'm on top of him? huh, he must really think I'm pretty. cool beans mann. and then I was sort of over it. After that we hung out on the playground, where we took our pants off, and I mean EVERYONE took thier pants off. emily, me, and xaiver. but there is a short story behind this. I went down a slide, unaware of the fact that it was soaking wet from the past four + showers we've been having. my sweats were soaked and so I took off my pants. no big deal. oh yeah, I also made-out with him. for less than 2 seconds because I pulled away because it felt extremely gross and awkward.

crazy night= great realization/epiphany.

I do not like xaiver. he's definitely not my type. I mean, I hate to say this, but I'm a lot smarter than him. and thats a huge turn off. I mean, he's in a fucking "applied reading" class (whatever its called) and yes, I do have standards. its really horrible to say, I know, but its true. I LOVE nerds, I LOVE hearing a guy talk about literature and astronomy and the history of africa. I love it. its so sexy. and second of all, he is NOT that cute, I mean, he looks like a ten-year-old. that probably made me seem like a phedophile. im not, if anything, I like boys who are older than me. and thirdly, he doesn't think weed is a drug. enough said.

so I regret most of what happened last night, the panties, the making out, the boner. all of it. I don't like him, and I dont want to date him.

but I would have never figured out my true feelings for him if I didn't do all of that in the first place.

this summer

This summer, I'm going to be hanging downtown, walking around, shopping, at six flags with Ciara. whatever. I'll be doing something. maybe I'll go have a cup of tea at Tres Jolie. and perhaps... get a new boyfriend. I've been single long enough. like seriously, its been... since december so 5 months?

oh, actually, thats not that long. but I want a new one anyways.

so that may change my plans, I could walk around downtown WITH my new boyfriend. licking the melting ice cream off his fingers underneath the scorching hot sun, leaning against a tree and catching a break from the heat. holding his hands, my sticky fingers (from the ice cream! don't be gross!) intertwined with his. talking and laughing and singing.

if only.

I better get to work. only 20 something more days of school left.